so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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