oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
