Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
