I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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