Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
