i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
