I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize