dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
