You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
