I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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