She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
