yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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