I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
