dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
