My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
