"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
