i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize