I need to stop coming to work sober
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
