I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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