I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
