Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
