Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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