I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
