I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
