Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
