great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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