I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
