he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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