super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
