I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
