the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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