he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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