I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
