guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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