Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
