508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
