Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
