I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
