before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
