I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
