Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
