I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
