Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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