A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
