guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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