Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
