I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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