why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
