i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
