where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
