R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
