So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
