That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
