Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
