Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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