Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just had sex bonerless
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
