Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
