I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
