found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
