Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
