If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize