is your mom at the bar?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
