Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
