Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
