I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
