u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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